As an INFj I spend a lot time introspecting--I'll purposely withdraw from socializing and from personal project to give myself space to brood over my situation and my feelings. And usually, I'll come out the other end of the brooding spells feeling refreshed and ready to find and take on more challenges. But over the past few months, I've been finding myself coming out of these brooding spells worse than before--a little bit more disillusioned, a little bit more of a misanthrope. And I've been perfectly aware that that is a bad thing, but I've also decided that I don't really care if I'm going down that path.
This has made me an unpleasant person. Unstable moods, sharp temper, shirking responbilities, poor hygiene, etc. Not good.
Yesterday, out of habit, I skimmed over some material about my personality type--first in MBTI, then in Socionics, then in Enneagram. And it was the Enneagram description that really struck me as tragically accurate.
"Because Fours have identified themselves with their feelings, they begin to look for intensity of feeling in all of their activities."
"As Fours become more fearful that they cannot find a solid identity in themselves, they begin to create one out of whatever random tendencies they find."
"Fours feel that they were not welcomed into the world; they feel out of place, unwanted—"
I already knew all of these things about Enneagram 4's--but I hadn't thought about it in a while. So as I was reading over the description, I finally came to understand what has been driving my behaviors lately...So today when I woke up, I felt better than I have in days. I can't quite say that I'm at the top of my game, but studying up on Enneagram 4 behavior has given me an outsider's perspective on myself which is enough to bring me a little closer back to reality.
More informative posts to start back up soon...